SWAT TEAM RESPONDS, FEDS DENY ASSISTANCE

Charleston County SO SWAT responded today to CE Williams Middle School in response to an emergency of life-threatening proportions.


Sheriffs' Office spokesperson Det. D. Tracy stated that C. E. Williams Middle School requested law enforcement asistance in regards to violence and drug use on the school property to preserve human life, safety, tolerance, inclusion, and make sure that the administration didn't have to make one disciplinary decision.


Assistant Principal Amanda Wasteofbreath stated that they originally recieved a report of violence and drugs on the playground through a paid classroom informant. "Given the gravity of the situation, and the fact that I don't want to to make a decision, I decided to go straight to the Feds for help," she said.


A call was made to JFK Special Warfare Center and School at FT Bragg, N.C., where pleas for assistance met deaf ears.


SFC N. Fan Tree, Public Information Contact for JFKSWC stated, "I thought this bitch had lost her #@$%*&! mind! She called us and asked for Delta Force to come in and take two kids off to 'Gitmo because they were reading a copy of the American Rifle Association magazine and drinking a Mountain Dew! She said it was some crap about 'zero tolerance' policy for weapons and drugs, and kept screaming that caffine was a drug, because the DARE program said so. I've seen some pretty awful school systems in third world countries I've been to, but those poor bastards in Charleston need help, and I mean big time. Isn't that that county you people had where the state took over the schools? NO? You mean there's ones that are worse!?!?!?"


CCSO stated that they responded because Charleston City Police stated that dealing with these idiots in Charleston County School District once a day for stupid crap was enough for anyone.
Det. Tracy said that follow-up raids were requested and planned by Charleston County Schools and DSS, when it was determined that the children involved attend a Christian denomination, eat meat, have two parents in the home, and have been spanked. Raids were counducted on the church house itself, with the pastor arrested for conspiracy to commit child abuse due to the mental harm of teaching children absolute standards.


The parents are not available for questioning, as they have been detained and are being questioned by authorities. The children in question will be turned over to foster families at Bayside Manor, and will be attending mandatory deprogramming sessions at MUSC.


The reporter for this story is V.I. Lenin, and may be reached at VILenin@overreaction.com


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