MASSIVE TRUANCY FROM COUNTY MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOLS, MOB OF YOUTHS CROWD GAILLARD AUDITORUM.

Tuesday morning saw massive truancy from local area middle and high schools, with no apparent explanation.

A teacher at one of the local high schools stated, " It was, like, really weird, and stuff. There was like, no kids in the class, and I am like, 'Gee Betty, where are the students?'"

Many guidance and counselling professionals cited several reasons as to why there was such a massive absentee rate at the schools, such as: breakfast not being good enough, the demands of moderate physical labor at the childrens' homes,and resistance to the bourgoise system and saying no to King Bush's war.

Meanwhile, mobs of excited youths crowded Gaillard Auditorium, with several disturbances and fistfights breaking out.

Debbie DuGooder of the Charleston Housing Authority spoke of the dialogue that took place between herself and several angry youths. "They were all abuzz and demanding where 'they' were, and I asked 'What?' They said that they were all there for condoms, and I told them that they didn't understand, the flyers said 'condos.'"

Ms. DuGooder the tearfully recounted how things then began to turn ugly.

"I mean, these kids couldn't read and discern the difference between 'condo' and 'condom.' I know they're in Charleston County schools, but I didn't know that it was that bad. When they figured out that this was a line for properties and not prophylactics, they started screaming that 'there was going to be a revolution up in this bitch,' and 'burn mother$#&!#%, burn!'"

Charleston City Police sent its School Crimes And Resourse to Educator Detachment (SCARED) to enforce standard discipline as normal for the schools within the city, and in the process, 25 truants were arrested on outstanding warrants ranging from armed robbery, murder, and assault with intent to ravish.

Reporter for this story is John Holmes, and can be reached at JHolmes@Trojans.com

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